Kalli Barker Photography

I’ll admit it.  Sometimes I’m a really rockin’ mom.  And I’ll also admit that sometimes I am completely and utterly terrible at it.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, my kids are with me for the journey.  One Sunday afternoon, church was over and I was going to pick my kid’s up from their classrooms.  Mackay came out happy and skipping, a drawing in her hand.  But her teacher stopped me to tell me about the picture my daughter had drawn.

They had talked in class about how they could be more like Jesus.  They asked the kids what qualities Jesus had that they could emulate.  They then asked the kids to draw a picture of themselves being Christlike.  I hope you can see the scanned copy well enough, but on the left is a picture of me (Note: curly hair always equals Mom).  And I have a super unflattering, grumpy scowl on my face.  On the left is Mackay.  (Super flattering, happy smile.)  She explained to her teachers that when her mom is really mad and grumpy, she can be Christlike by offering me a piece of bread.  (Notice large brown circle of bread.)

I will forever keep and remember this picture to remind me of the lessons I learn from my daughter.  (As opposed to this drawing.)  I believe that the sweet spirit that they carry with them is nearer to Jesus than anyone or anywhere.   And I should live my life in a way that will never take them for granted.

Thanks for the reminder, Mackay.  I’ll try harder to be the rockin’ mom you deserve.

Can you believe it?  I can’t believe I’m here.  And I am SO HAPPY TO BE BACK!

Back in December, after my busy season was coming to a close (and honestly, wasn’t as busy as I was hoping for and planning on), I was having a really hard time.  I was so discouraged.  I was discouraged with not only my business, but my whole life.  I realized that I was living my children’s lives in front of a computer.  I realized I was living my marriage in front of a computer.  My whole life was surrounded by my business.  And at that moment my business wasn’t even making me that happy.  I felt the dreaded burn-out fast approaching me, and I knew I had to step back and take a breath.   So I announced on my blog my official “break”.

Here is a journal entry I made those few months ago shortly after taking my break:  I wasn’t happy.  So I removed as much stress and responsibility from my life as I could.  I thought that focusing on my children and my husband and my home would make it all better.  But it made it worse.  Taking away all the clutter and distractions forced me to see the problems I worked so hard to cover up.  I feel further from happiness now more than ever.  And I don’t know what to do about it.

I learned some hard truths.  One myth I had was this:

I am not engaging quality time with my children because I am just too busy.

The truth, after taking away the chaos was:

I am not engaging quality time with my children because I don’t want to.

When I realized that I had the time, but I still didn’t want to wrestle on the floor, or build with blocks, or play dress up, or race cars down the same track over, and over, and over, I realized that all these decisions that I unconsciously made, because they were hiding under my business, was not making me into the person that I really wanted to be.  It wasn’t photography that was making me unhappy, it was ME.  It wasn’t photography that was hurting my family, I was doing it all.on.my.own.

When I made that realization, when I truly thought about my priorities, my heart immediately lightened.  When I realized that I was not creating the memories with my children that I wanted to, and I was not focusing my full love and passion on my family like I knew I should, the shift seemed so easy.  All of a sudden I realized that my business is not the most important thing to me.  Money isn’t the most important thing.  Success isn’t the most important thing.  Blog followers and Facebook fans truly mean nothing.  And I’m almost embarrassed to say these were all breakthroughs for me.  Things I never before realized.

I love my husband and my children.  I love my business and my clients.  I will continue doing what I absolutely love.  There will probably be shifts and growth in my business, hopefully in the best of ways.  I want to be more client centered instead of “me” centered.  I want to work hard, but also allow breaks and nights off.  I want to love hard and play hard.  And create those memories for both myself and my family, that I can look back on this stage of my life and feel proud of who I was.

The future seems bright.  And I am once again excited for the journey.

Welcome back.

About a month ago I started toying with the idea of TAKING A BREAK.  During photography’s slow season (Dec. through Feb.)  The truth of it all is, is that there is no such thing as “slow season” for someone trying to run a business.  If you don’t have regular clients coming in, you still have blogs to write, marketing efforts to produce, graphics to design, office space that needs organizing, websites that need revamping, etc, etc, etc.

It. never. ends.

And for the past 3 years, almost EVERY. SINGLE. EVENING has been filled with work.  As soon as the kids go to bed, my lap top comes out and I work. and work. and work.  And to tell the truth, I’m starting to get really tired.  And I don’t want to get tired.  I have seen my work getting more sloppy (not the photography part, but the blog part, and the marketing part, and DEFINITELY the keeping everything organized part).  And continuing down this road of constantly running upstream leads only to failure.

Oh, but by the way, failure isn’t an option.

So I’m taking a break.

And I am going to check my e-mail only a few times a day instead of 1,000.  And I’m going to play with my kids when they ask me to play.  And I’m going to hug them when they want a hug.  And I’m going to get my camera out because I WANT to.  And I’m going to capture my OWN priceless moments for a few months.  And when my husband wants to watch a movie or play a game in the evenings, I will.  WITHOUT multi-tasking. And I won’t have those super-busy days where I have to decide between a shower and getting edits done.

Wow.  This new life sounds pretty nice.

But I promise you I will come back.  Because I LIVE for my business.  (And my kids and my husband…)  And I live for my clients and their children, and I live for creating those timeless, precious works of art that make beautiful homes even more beautiful.  And I live for business, and marketing, and branding.  (Not so much bookkeeping and accounting.  But that’s why I have a husband.)  And I live for growing and creating and pushing myself further.  So here’s to a break!  And when I come back expect a new and improve and rejuvenated me.  Oh, I’m so excited for the rejuvenated part.

And if you are afraid you’ll miss me too much, make sure you are a part of my Facebook Fan page.  Because I hang out there a lot.  And I will continue to do so.  And that’s where I’ll share Mackay stories and Zack’s driving me crazy stuff, and business related such-and-such.

And I can’t wait to see you all back here in a few months! (Just make sure you come back.)

**Random and sort of awkward side note: Gift Cards are on SALE NOW!  Through the month of December from Kalli Barker Photography.  Any amount 20% off!  So if you have are looking for the perfect Christmas gift for those perfect people in your life, this could be IT.  E-mail me: kalli{at}kallibarkerphotography{dot}com for more information.**

So sorry to do this to you all, but today I am MIA.  No new blog post.  If you need to wonder why, refer to Monday’s post. 

Thank you for all your understanding!