Can you believe it? I can’t believe I’m here. And I am SO HAPPY TO BE BACK!
Back in December, after my busy season was coming to a close (and honestly, wasn’t as busy as I was hoping for and planning on), I was having a really hard time. I was so discouraged. I was discouraged with not only my business, but my whole life. I realized that I was living my children’s lives in front of a computer. I realized I was living my marriage in front of a computer. My whole life was surrounded by my business. And at that moment my business wasn’t even making me that happy. I felt the dreaded burn-out fast approaching me, and I knew I had to step back and take a breath. So I announced on my blog my official “break”.
Here is a journal entry I made those few months ago shortly after taking my break: I wasn’t happy. So I removed as much stress and responsibility from my life as I could. I thought that focusing on my children and my husband and my home would make it all better. But it made it worse. Taking away all the clutter and distractions forced me to see the problems I worked so hard to cover up. I feel further from happiness now more than ever. And I don’t know what to do about it.
I learned some hard truths. One myth I had was this:
I am not engaging quality time with my children because I am just too busy.
The truth, after taking away the chaos was:
I am not engaging quality time with my children because I don’t want to.
When I realized that I had the time, but I still didn’t want to wrestle on the floor, or build with blocks, or play dress up, or race cars down the same track over, and over, and over, I realized that all these decisions that I unconsciously made, because they were hiding under my business, was not making me into the person that I really wanted to be. It wasn’t photography that was making me unhappy, it was ME. It wasn’t photography that was hurting my family, I was doing it all.on.my.own.
When I made that realization, when I truly thought about my priorities, my heart immediately lightened. When I realized that I was not creating the memories with my children that I wanted to, and I was not focusing my full love and passion on my family like I knew I should, the shift seemed so easy. All of a sudden I realized that my business is not the most important thing to me. Money isn’t the most important thing. Success isn’t the most important thing. Blog followers and Facebook fans truly mean nothing. And I’m almost embarrassed to say these were all breakthroughs for me. Things I never before realized.
I love my husband and my children. I love my business and my clients. I will continue doing what I absolutely love. There will probably be shifts and growth in my business, hopefully in the best of ways. I want to be more client centered instead of “me” centered. I want to work hard, but also allow breaks and nights off. I want to love hard and play hard. And create those memories for both myself and my family, that I can look back on this stage of my life and feel proud of who I was.
The future seems bright. And I am once again excited for the journey.