My kids are growing. And I want it to stop. Right now. When Zack got his first tooth I felt like I was having a mid-life crisis. It meant I was no longer the mother to a newborn. But that he was growing. I didn’t like it at all.
Last night I got home really late. Nate and the kids were already asleep. I sat on the couch, turned on the tv to watch a little bit of the news, and got my laptop positioned on my legs to settle in to getting some work done. After only about ten minutes I heard Zack begin to cry. I couldn’t get him to go back to sleep, so I prepared a bottle for him. He gulped down all 8 oz, and then slept peacefully in my arms. (When does that ever happen these days.) When I had him complete unconscious over my shoulder, I looked down and realized that I was not holding a newborn. Not only was his body completely covering mine, but his legs were bent onto my legs. At that moment he looked huge. (Although yes, he is only in the 5-10th percentile adjusted for premature babies.) When did this happen? I hugged him a little tighter and held him a little longer. Somehow trying to stop time.
And then there’s Miss Mackay. She walks around the house with random pieces of paper she calls her debit cards and cell phone. She can’t leave the house without her purse and sunglasses. And she has recently learned the phrase, “You’re annoying me.” She can carry on conversations like an adult, often asking me, “So tell me about your day…” or “Tell me more about…” (yesterday it was the clouds, today it was volcanoes.) And I’m not comfortable with not knowing the answers.
Stop, Time. Please just stop.
But then I realized that Zack can still be my little newborn. In those quiet, rare moments late at night. When I can cuddle him, and hold him, and hug him, and squish him, and kiss him, and just smell him. And I noticed that Mackay still has dimples in her elbows and on her knuckles. And sometimes when she’s already gone to sleep, I can climb into bed with her and just hold her. Because she’s mine. And they’re mine. And those are the moments when I can just stop time. When the craziness of the day has faded away, and silence has ultimately conquered. And try to memorize them just as they are. Today.
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And remember, sometimes pictures don’t always work out so well. And when you put a hair-obsessed baby next to a 3 year old with hair, something’s bound to go wrong.
+ - 4 comments
grandma sharon - Even as a grandmother Kalli, I still remember those moments. When I get nostalgic I can picture those moments with each of my children and they bring tears to my eyes, the time has passed so quickly. One of those moments that often brings the tears is of Bryan as a little boy when he would slow down for the night and I would get him ready for bed. Sometimes he was too tired for a bath, as I would take his little shoes and socks off and see those cute little feet and legs, I would think of all the miles they had run that day. It seems as though he never stopped and as he grew he never stopped as a teenager he never stopped so now as I think of him or when I go to the cemetery I picture him still running and going as fast as he can to accomplish all that Heavenly Father wants him to do.
There is a song written by Wanda Lindstrom called “my Heart Took a Picture”, that is what we do, cherish those moments. Your blog is a wonderful way for you to capture all of those precious moments. Love you Kalli and your little family.
Charise Reimschiissel - Kalli, I have taught school for the past 2 years. This year I was good friends with one of the moms of a boy in my class. At the end of the year her son gave me a book called “Love You Forever”. On the card, he wrote: “My mom said this is the best book for a mom with a boy.” If you don’t have that book or haven’t read it, you need to. Your post reminds me exactly of that book. What a sweet opportunity we have to hold our little boys all through their lives. And while it seems like time flies, it also seems like the more I watch him grow, the sweeter those moments are when I hold him close. I hope you have lots more late nights to hold your sweet boy.
Cammie - I love this post! Today Jane fell alseep in the car on the way home so I got to carry my sleeping 3 year old into the house and I miss so much being able to hold her like that, even though now it’s more akward because she’s so big! But I’m lucky with Kaleb, he still loves to snuggle with me and I never want that to end, even though I know it will someday.
Linda - That is a beautiful thought. One we all need to remember. I’m glad you took the time to enjoy it.